Turning 40 and empty nests

This year I turn 40. I have been dreading this for a good five years now, so I am fully confident that when I get to the other side of that number I will realize that life has not ended and I am just in a new marketing demographic. The part that makes it tough for me is that it is also the year that I get an empty house. The youngest goes to kindergarten, the middle one is wrapping up his elementary career,and the oldest to middle school. It signals an end to a period of life that seems to have lasted forever, being a full-time stay-at-home mom. I just realized that I have been caring for kids for as long as it took me to get from kindergarten to college, and that was an eternity when it was going on and still seems like it was too two days longer than forever to get through. Now I realize that in an additional twelve years, I might be a grandmother (please,no), but I really will be an empty nester. Since Stefan is twelve years older than me, that will be the year he can also seriously consider retirement.

I am all over the map about this because somewhere in all of this caring for other people, I disappeared. Of course I dreamed about getting married and having kids, but somehow it never occurred to me that that would be ALL I did. I have never held a "real" job, made a major purchase on my own, or even traveled to a place that was where only I wanted to go. I have had a fabulous life for which I am completely grateful, but it is time to make it more mine and less everyone else's. So that is what I am dedicating the next twelve years to - being selfish, getting a big girl job, shoving the chicks out of the nest, and traveling somewhere that does not come with the Disney Channel.

Speaking of chicks leaving, I am at a complete loss as to why the Bunny is so thrilled about going to middle school. Does a LOCKER contain that much allure? She has studied her combination with far more dedication than she did one test in elementary school. Does she not know what is coming next? All the weird growth that is about to happen all over her body? That her hormones are about to take her on a ride bigger than any roller coaster? That her peers will start forming wolf packs that roam the halls looking for the weak to devour? That her hair is about to become a SERIOUS ISSUE? Nope, not the bunny. She has always been delightfully indifferent to her peers' opinions on most things and suddenly she is lying out outfits for the week. She has a secret crush, her first crush since preschool. Her father choked when I told him that, but I reassured him that she has excellent taste in men since she is following her mother's role model. I stare at awe at this person who still truly loves me, but she really doesn't seem to need me like she did.

Meanwhile, her brothers' are completely indifferent to the beginning of school. Monkey Boy refused a haircut, so he will be Cousin It the first few days so people will be able to recognize him. Boo's only concern was that he can't remember his kindergarten teacher's name. I have pushed him suddenly to learn how to write, but once again, my husband's genes have overcome mine and he will have handwriting indecipherable in any language. They are also like their father that once they leave my presence, they completely forget my existence. The great thing about this is when they DO see me again, it is always with a look of delight that they had forgotten something they like so much. Which is, of course, why disappearing for twelve years really was worth it.