So, tomorrow the tribe and I are going to go and watch a WWII reenactment. Let me tell you - the tribe is NOT excited, except for the female general and the second oldest of the troops. He is excited about the MOVING TANKS. That are going to shoot off BIG BANGS. We hope. We went to another WWII reenactment in Oak Ridge, TN, a year ago, and it didn't have tanks. It did have people dressed up in German uniforms running around shouting "Schnell! Schnell! Achtung!" (Fast, fast, watch out!). We were quite well placed since we got to see the captured American soldiers escape. Tomorrow will be more exciting because there will be British, Germans, Italians, Americans, Canadians, and RUSSIANS. Oh, the joy of it all. Lots of loud bangs and cursing in multiple languages. The girl recruit is desperately trying to get ill or find anywhere else to be.
I am embarrassed to admit how much I love these reenactments. I wouldn't plan a trip around it, but I would make sure that it is included in my options. I love to watch people make bullets, tan hides, rotate a possum on a spit. I drug the kids a few years ago to see a French and Indian War reenactment, and girl soldier FREAKED OUT. Maybe it was the 20 or so Native American reenactors that suddenly ran towards her half naked waving guns and tomahawks. A few years ago (well, let's say 18?), I was on a college field trip. We had been to Rodney, MS, which is another place that has a lot of freak lines radiating out from it. It is a ghost town. Like streets and banks and stores and churches and graveyards with empty caskets lying open in it. It is very, very weird. Eudora Welty wrote about, as did Rick Bass, and it is well worth the side trip if you are ever lost on the Natchez Trace in South Mississippi. Anyway, a bunch of my classmates were driving back, and for some unknown reason, we were passing the only (I think) nuclear power plant in Mississippi. We were looking for a picnic spot, and there is a state park there. Anyway, as we drive by, a man in full Confederate calvary comes charging over the bank at the side of the road on a big old horse, followed by a bunch of screaming men in gray uniforms. It was definitely surreal, but sort of what you would expect after a day in Rodney. So, we set around eating our sandwiches, watching the Confederates lose the first of many skirmishes leading up to Vicksburg.
So, in the past year or so, I have found out quite a bit about my relatives up the family tree. I could be a Daughter of the Confederacy through 3 of the 4 grandparent branches, and the 4th, I could probably get in because he was the county slave-catcher for Clarksdale, MS. I double checked that one on my trip down South in January, and it was right there in the library. Yuck. Anyway, one of my (four?) great -grandfathers joined up before the war even started, and within a couple of months, my second great-whatever-grandfather had joined him. The two of them fought all the way through the war and pretty much hit every major battle in TN and Georgia. One of them was captured 3 times! and escaped 3 times! He also managed to be at the surrender in Appamatox, which in Southern confederate history, if you care at all about it, is a VERY BIG DEAL. This is verified, too, because I went to a teacher's convention in Columbia, TN. In Columbia, if you have a daughter so inclined and you register the day the opportunity opens, she can go and learn to dance the waltz, learn the language of fans, etc., and literally learn to be a southern belle. And at this convention, we went on a progressive dinner, which was quite fun. Wine and cheese at James K. Polk's house, then on somewhere else forgettable, to the main course at the headquarters of the SONS OF THE CONFEDERATE VETERANS NATIONAL HEADQUARTERS. It may have been the Sons of the Confederacy. Both exist, but I am too lazy to figure out which one this was. I can not even begin to tell you how wrong this was. They have a dixie flag flying outside, but they did at least put it below the American Flag. The part that I found really weird is the planners thought this was okay. Memphis, TN, sent the largest contingency of ESL teachers, and they were predominantly minority. I remember this Memphis teacher in front of me, saying, "You have got be kidding." when we pulled up. The headquarters were nice, the hosts lovely, but it was such a shrine. All the pictures on the wall of Stonewall Jackson, Robert E. Lee, JEB Stuart, etc. Anyway, back to my family. I told the president that I thought I had relatives who fought in the Civil War, and so he plugged in his last name into his database, and presto! I had a list of everything this man had done for all 4 years of the war. The funny thing is, my family apparently didn't own any slaves. Or at least the ones who fought didn't. I guess they were very committed to States Rights', which many people have told me was the REAL reason the war was fought. I try not to repetitively bang my head when that conversation starts.
Baby Boo, who like his siblings, has decided that he will sleep with his mommy the year he is four, told me yesterday, with a tone of great world weariness, "Mommy, I think I am going to be a baker. I am going to make pies, and cakes, and cookies, and MUFFINS. CHOCOLATE CHIP MUFFINS." I asked him if wanted to work in a zoo, but, "No, I think it is best that I am a baker." Where did he learn this way of speech? Bunny, who has long struggled with her apathy towards sports, has suddenly decided that she is a soccer star. This has made her immediately younger brother decide that she might have value in his world, as long as she understands that she will never be as good as him. He has also proven that hell CAN freeze, because he has finally decided it is time for a haircut. This is his first one since last September.
Oh, I decided that the snake venom isn't working. it is just masking the giant, throbbing infection that is my brain.
Saturday, April 26, 2008
Wednesday, April 23, 2008
Playing my Favorite MInd Game.
So, you know that "what if" game you play with yourself sometimes? "What if I had another baby?" "What if I dyed my hair blonde?" "What if we went to Pensacoula insted of Destin?" kind of game? Well, this is my very, very favorite game. Except I like to add a twist, to make it more 6 degrees of Separation like. I like to imagine how events completely out of my control change my life. For example, here is my favorite. A friend of mine, Shelley (she gets to keep her name - she has never embarrassed herself in my presence that I can use to lord it over her for decades to come), considered changing schools our sophmore year in college to go to some place in Ohio or somewhere. Anyway, she ultimately didn't, and she and I roomed together our junior and senior years and various other times since. Now, when Shelley was making this decision, we were just "hallmates." Fellow battlers of giant cockroaches. These are MS cockroaches. As long as your middle finger. They make noises when they move. And I think they fly. They are actually waterbugs, but they look like roaches. Shelley killed one in her hair once, and I can't think of anyone braver on the planet. I would have been psychotic. Back to the story. Shelley did not transfer. After college, she went her way, I mine. I honestly thought we might lose touch, but noooo, we both end up in the Hudson River Valley on a temporary basis. So, the rest of my life is summed up this way,in a phone conversation:
Shelley : What are you going to do next?
Me: I don't know. What about you?
Shelley: I am thinking grad school.
Me: Okay, where are you going?
Shelley: Tennessee. Want to come?
Me: Okay.
I put a lot of thought into my life at that point. But, off to TENN we went, where we lived in a bat cave (basement) where we literally had plants growing out of the carpet and your shoes would get covered in some mildewy substance if you closed the closet doors and the light fixture fell out of the ceiling and we had TWO separate neighbors who were very, very vocal in the amorous adventures. One was a screamer, the other was a headboard banger. It was very, very, very loud. Shelley and I used to sit on my bed and mimic them, but they didn't notice. Kind of drowned each other out. Eventually, I got the worst job of all time, a mathematical technical typist (right above dog euthanizer and cremation boiler cleaner), met Stefan, and well, I am just glad that Shelley didn't go to Oberlin.
So, take a moment and think about how someone else's random choice has changed your life. Kind of cool isn't it? Maybe there is something to that Purpose Driven Life guy. But, I don't think so. He wears Hawaiian shirts and he lives not in Hawaii.
That blog Stuff White People LIke? I pretty much liked it all. They say that white people wear New Balance tennis shoes because of our guilt over child labor Nike shoes. Guess what? That is EXACTLY why I wear only New Balance. They have been stalking me.
Shelley : What are you going to do next?
Me: I don't know. What about you?
Shelley: I am thinking grad school.
Me: Okay, where are you going?
Shelley: Tennessee. Want to come?
Me: Okay.
I put a lot of thought into my life at that point. But, off to TENN we went, where we lived in a bat cave (basement) where we literally had plants growing out of the carpet and your shoes would get covered in some mildewy substance if you closed the closet doors and the light fixture fell out of the ceiling and we had TWO separate neighbors who were very, very vocal in the amorous adventures. One was a screamer, the other was a headboard banger. It was very, very, very loud. Shelley and I used to sit on my bed and mimic them, but they didn't notice. Kind of drowned each other out. Eventually, I got the worst job of all time, a mathematical technical typist (right above dog euthanizer and cremation boiler cleaner), met Stefan, and well, I am just glad that Shelley didn't go to Oberlin.
So, take a moment and think about how someone else's random choice has changed your life. Kind of cool isn't it? Maybe there is something to that Purpose Driven Life guy. But, I don't think so. He wears Hawaiian shirts and he lives not in Hawaii.
That blog Stuff White People LIke? I pretty much liked it all. They say that white people wear New Balance tennis shoes because of our guilt over child labor Nike shoes. Guess what? That is EXACTLY why I wear only New Balance. They have been stalking me.
Tuesday, April 22, 2008
The penitentiary educational experience.
So, now that I am all happy and healthy, I am sort of out of ideas about what to write about, so I thought I would tell you about a field trip from high school that my class went on.
I went to a small (49 in graduating class), non-denominational Christian school. I can honestly say that it was AWFUL. For me, personally, everything was awful about it. I had some good friends, but the education was the pits. I have talked to some classmates since we graduated who don't have the burning hatred that I did/do, but it was a huge waste of my time. I had 4 good teachers in 4 years, 2 of which were science (funny, huh, in a conservative, Christian school?), a math teacher that made Napoleon look mellow, and an UNBELIEVABLY awesome Church History teacher. Basically, after one year with him, history on the college level was a joke. Here is an example of a test from THE POPE (he ruled our lives, the world, etc.). "Tell me about Martin Luther, including history, influences, and impact. Seven pages front and back (handwritten) will PASS you." To this day, I can tell you LOTS about the Protestant Reformation, and I can tell you pretty much how every Protestant denomination evolved. I loved this class, this teacher, this experience.
Anyway, back to my class. We individually weren't bad, but collectively, we were a nightmare. Our poor history teacher, Mrs. Miller, thought it would be a good idea to take a trip to Vicksburg, since it was American History and all. If you ever have seen a PBS show where they show the locusts decimating a field, that is pretty much what the kleptomaniacs did to the gift shop in the Old Courthouse, while the charming Daughters of the Confederacy were naively asking, "May I help you, darling?" OH! And every time a flat surface was found, someone would start breakdancing. History, schmistory. After we returned, our class had any and all future fun opportunities taken away from us, until.... Civics and Government time! The 1-2 punch of junior year. What I took away: Anyone born between 1968-1975 can sing the Preamble to the Constitution thanks to School House Rock, and I don't want to go to prison.
See, that was our last field trip. After you took these classes, the buses were loaded and off to Parchman we went. Parchman was at one time the second deadliest prison in America, barely below angola in Louisiana. And, Mississippi has long been an enthusiastic supporter of the death penalty. Parchman is kind of freaky. It doesn't really have fences around it, nor does it have guard towers. It is smack dab in the middle of probably a 1000 acres of field, and you would have to run a mile in any direction before you could find a lick of cover to hide behind.
So, we roll in. The first thing they do is give us "guides." Your guides in Parchman are all convicted murderers. No arsonists or armed robbers for you.... Anyway, THUMPER gets on the bus, and like a homing pigeon zooms in on the meanest, awfulest boy in our class. this is a boy who caused nightmares and I am still not sure could have been redeemed. So, THUMPER plops down by Andrew (not his name), and says, "Give me your watch." Andrew says, "Expletive, nah." THUMPER says, "Do you remember why I am here? I can take you outside right now and show you how I got my nickname." Thumper gets a new watch. Andrew has a new best friend. Thumper repeatedly tells Andrew that if he ever comes to prison, he would be someone's boyfriend with 10 minutes because he has shown he is weak. I loved Thumper and followed him like a dog all day.
Many of us were somewhat "wild" in the love to party sense, but not wild enough to be prepared for Parchman. We got the full-on show. When we went to Death Row to see the electric chair, we were told to say away from the cells, since the prisoners might decide to use us as target practice. I think the threat of having crap thrown at you should be considered as a form of crowd control. Death Row was awful, quiet, and very, very clean. It is terrible looking at someone you know will die, and probably did something unbelievably awful to deserve it.
Then we were taken to the highest level of lockdown. This was my personal waterloo. Looking down a long row of cells, several stories high, the prisoners banging their food trays, and if, God forbid, you looked at them, the tongue gymnastics you would get! Still gives me the heebie-jeebies.
This was also 1986. AIDS was just really starting to register on the awareness of MS, and it was still in the stage where how you caught it was not completely clear. But they took us to AIDS camp. Prisoners are loosely clustered by crime, unless at the time you were gay. Then you were sent to the gay camp. Ostensibly, this was to protect the prisoners who were gay, but well, I imagine a lot of people came out with AIDS that didn't arrive with it. For me, this was also a surreal experience. Basically, it was pretty easy to grow up in MS and not ever meet anyone who was homosexual. But as soon as we got in this camp, all the prisoners lined up on both sides of the sidewalk, and we basically had to walk the guantlet. The girls were completely safe, but those baseball and football players, they KNEW what future awaited them if they ever came to prison. It was GREAT. Reverse sexism. I know of one classmate, who was a particular favorite because of his round, firm buns, who has completely blocked this whole experience. Fortunately, I reminded him.
Well, after this unbelievable trip, we were loaded up. Andrew got his watch back, but he was actually nice for the 2 hours it too to return. I wouldn't be surprised if that was still a record for the longest period of kindness in his life. Thumper got paroled for good behavior.
So, dear readers, here is my question. Would you let YOUR child/sibling go on a field trip to a prison? I learned a lot, so my kids would TOTALLY have their heinies planted on a seat. Way more informative than a science museum or the zoo. Don't have to worry about the kids you are chaperoning running off, either. And there isn't any gift shop to buy souvenirs.
Oh, wait! Found something funny! A blog called Stuff White People Like. The computer won't let me cut and paste it this moment...
I went to a small (49 in graduating class), non-denominational Christian school. I can honestly say that it was AWFUL. For me, personally, everything was awful about it. I had some good friends, but the education was the pits. I have talked to some classmates since we graduated who don't have the burning hatred that I did/do, but it was a huge waste of my time. I had 4 good teachers in 4 years, 2 of which were science (funny, huh, in a conservative, Christian school?), a math teacher that made Napoleon look mellow, and an UNBELIEVABLY awesome Church History teacher. Basically, after one year with him, history on the college level was a joke. Here is an example of a test from THE POPE (he ruled our lives, the world, etc.). "Tell me about Martin Luther, including history, influences, and impact. Seven pages front and back (handwritten) will PASS you." To this day, I can tell you LOTS about the Protestant Reformation, and I can tell you pretty much how every Protestant denomination evolved. I loved this class, this teacher, this experience.
Anyway, back to my class. We individually weren't bad, but collectively, we were a nightmare. Our poor history teacher, Mrs. Miller, thought it would be a good idea to take a trip to Vicksburg, since it was American History and all. If you ever have seen a PBS show where they show the locusts decimating a field, that is pretty much what the kleptomaniacs did to the gift shop in the Old Courthouse, while the charming Daughters of the Confederacy were naively asking, "May I help you, darling?" OH! And every time a flat surface was found, someone would start breakdancing. History, schmistory. After we returned, our class had any and all future fun opportunities taken away from us, until.... Civics and Government time! The 1-2 punch of junior year. What I took away: Anyone born between 1968-1975 can sing the Preamble to the Constitution thanks to School House Rock, and I don't want to go to prison.
See, that was our last field trip. After you took these classes, the buses were loaded and off to Parchman we went. Parchman was at one time the second deadliest prison in America, barely below angola in Louisiana. And, Mississippi has long been an enthusiastic supporter of the death penalty. Parchman is kind of freaky. It doesn't really have fences around it, nor does it have guard towers. It is smack dab in the middle of probably a 1000 acres of field, and you would have to run a mile in any direction before you could find a lick of cover to hide behind.
So, we roll in. The first thing they do is give us "guides." Your guides in Parchman are all convicted murderers. No arsonists or armed robbers for you.... Anyway, THUMPER gets on the bus, and like a homing pigeon zooms in on the meanest, awfulest boy in our class. this is a boy who caused nightmares and I am still not sure could have been redeemed. So, THUMPER plops down by Andrew (not his name), and says, "Give me your watch." Andrew says, "Expletive, nah." THUMPER says, "Do you remember why I am here? I can take you outside right now and show you how I got my nickname." Thumper gets a new watch. Andrew has a new best friend. Thumper repeatedly tells Andrew that if he ever comes to prison, he would be someone's boyfriend with 10 minutes because he has shown he is weak. I loved Thumper and followed him like a dog all day.
Many of us were somewhat "wild" in the love to party sense, but not wild enough to be prepared for Parchman. We got the full-on show. When we went to Death Row to see the electric chair, we were told to say away from the cells, since the prisoners might decide to use us as target practice. I think the threat of having crap thrown at you should be considered as a form of crowd control. Death Row was awful, quiet, and very, very clean. It is terrible looking at someone you know will die, and probably did something unbelievably awful to deserve it.
Then we were taken to the highest level of lockdown. This was my personal waterloo. Looking down a long row of cells, several stories high, the prisoners banging their food trays, and if, God forbid, you looked at them, the tongue gymnastics you would get! Still gives me the heebie-jeebies.
This was also 1986. AIDS was just really starting to register on the awareness of MS, and it was still in the stage where how you caught it was not completely clear. But they took us to AIDS camp. Prisoners are loosely clustered by crime, unless at the time you were gay. Then you were sent to the gay camp. Ostensibly, this was to protect the prisoners who were gay, but well, I imagine a lot of people came out with AIDS that didn't arrive with it. For me, this was also a surreal experience. Basically, it was pretty easy to grow up in MS and not ever meet anyone who was homosexual. But as soon as we got in this camp, all the prisoners lined up on both sides of the sidewalk, and we basically had to walk the guantlet. The girls were completely safe, but those baseball and football players, they KNEW what future awaited them if they ever came to prison. It was GREAT. Reverse sexism. I know of one classmate, who was a particular favorite because of his round, firm buns, who has completely blocked this whole experience. Fortunately, I reminded him.
Well, after this unbelievable trip, we were loaded up. Andrew got his watch back, but he was actually nice for the 2 hours it too to return. I wouldn't be surprised if that was still a record for the longest period of kindness in his life. Thumper got paroled for good behavior.
So, dear readers, here is my question. Would you let YOUR child/sibling go on a field trip to a prison? I learned a lot, so my kids would TOTALLY have their heinies planted on a seat. Way more informative than a science museum or the zoo. Don't have to worry about the kids you are chaperoning running off, either. And there isn't any gift shop to buy souvenirs.
Oh, wait! Found something funny! A blog called Stuff White People Like. The computer won't let me cut and paste it this moment...
Saturday, April 19, 2008
Snakes and Quakes
So, you would think the sane person would READ about the snake before ingesting its venom. But, remember, I think Herbert Hoover is fantasy material (people, have you LOOKED AT HIM? Looks wise, he is only above Lincoln and Rutherford Hayes, and plumper than both.), so clearly I am not the sharpest stick around. So, after two days of venom, I called the doctor to basically beg for antibiotics because I was in pain equal to what a woman feels right before delivery and she hasn't take a drug. I know this feeling, and I wasn't seeing a "reward" looming on the other side of the fog of pain. The nurse calmly says, "Oh, the venom will intensify all the bad stuff, but it should start kicking in around noon today." Guess what? Approximately 3 hours later, the ball of agony that was the left side of my face dissipated. I was exhausted and promptly took a 3 hour nap, but today I felt good enough to wash dishes. Hubby Dear gave me the biggest smile. He has been positively a saint, which I don't deserve. If you are sick and I didn't give birth to you, then the nursing you will get from me is of the medieval type. Probably better not to receive it since it might make you worse. If you can issue an order like, "I need a barf bucket, a bottle of flat coke and an aspirin," then your needs can be met. If you said, "Rub my back, it might make me feel better," I would ask you what time you wanted your massage scheduled. On the other hand, when I am sick, I expect no care or sympathy from anyone, and if you offer it, I will think you have a hidden agenda.
Anyway, back to my snake venom. So, in a particularly hallucinatory state, I googled the South American bushmaster snake. Here is what I learned. If it bites you, you die. Clearly, I am not dead, but I wonder HOW IN THE WORLD someone figured out that this particularly nasty snake was good for sinus infections on the LEFT side (if it is on the right, I think you get tree bark). And who did they test it on? Did the single aboriginal Bolivian who survived say, "Ah! Remember that pain in my left eye/side of the face? Well, when I regained consciousness and a heartbeat, I wasn't stuffy anymore! I knew my sinus cavities would be better when it felt like someone was driving a stake between my shoulder blades." I am pretty sure that it involved animal testing, but better a rat than me. A woman I know here said, "Oh, you could hand that medicine to a chemist and she couldn't find the venom it is so diluted." So, have I just been faith healed because some perky nurse convinced me that I would be at High Noon? Homeopathy is weird but it seems to have worked (if the 15 hours a sleep a day weren't really the solution), but next time, I want the mold growth known as Penicillin. For the time being, I will just comfort myself that I survived and I didn't do anything to aid the overdiagnosis of antibiotics. I am still loopy. I showed up for a birthday party a week early, can't follow a sitcom plot line, and had to sit on the floor to fold clothes. But, I *think* I am on the way back after 3 weeks of feeling like poo on a biscuit. No, I have no idea what that saying means, but it does evoke how I felt.
Oh, we had an earthquake! Or rather, Southern Illinois had an earthquake, but we got to feel it. This is actually the 3rd earthquake I felt - one in NY, one in TN, and this one, which was definitely the biggest. I woke up and everything was shaking. Darling Hubby jumped out of bed, turned around in circles a few times (literally) and then held on the bed. If felt like it went on forever. The dog had been barking to warn us, but we ignored him. Robbers, take note. Pete only growls at people in uniform, so dress casual. According to a naturalist at the zoo, all the birds were sitting on the ground right before it happened, and the zoo's animals all made distress sounds after the quake ended. Wish I had heard that! I, in my venom/snot/fever state, asked, "Is Boo having a seizure? He is lying on my feet?" Hubby said, "He is on your pillow, Stephanie." You would THINK I would notice someone breathing up my nose from three inches away, but apparently not. I think my 4-year-old can shake a house. It was very, very, very, cool. But clearly with our responses, we would have died in San Francisco.
Oh! I am too lazy to go and find pictuers of the MS River in Greenville right now, but if you google it, and find one, just imagine the river is twice the size it should be. But the levees are holding (I think...)
Anyway, back to my snake venom. So, in a particularly hallucinatory state, I googled the South American bushmaster snake. Here is what I learned. If it bites you, you die. Clearly, I am not dead, but I wonder HOW IN THE WORLD someone figured out that this particularly nasty snake was good for sinus infections on the LEFT side (if it is on the right, I think you get tree bark). And who did they test it on? Did the single aboriginal Bolivian who survived say, "Ah! Remember that pain in my left eye/side of the face? Well, when I regained consciousness and a heartbeat, I wasn't stuffy anymore! I knew my sinus cavities would be better when it felt like someone was driving a stake between my shoulder blades." I am pretty sure that it involved animal testing, but better a rat than me. A woman I know here said, "Oh, you could hand that medicine to a chemist and she couldn't find the venom it is so diluted." So, have I just been faith healed because some perky nurse convinced me that I would be at High Noon? Homeopathy is weird but it seems to have worked (if the 15 hours a sleep a day weren't really the solution), but next time, I want the mold growth known as Penicillin. For the time being, I will just comfort myself that I survived and I didn't do anything to aid the overdiagnosis of antibiotics. I am still loopy. I showed up for a birthday party a week early, can't follow a sitcom plot line, and had to sit on the floor to fold clothes. But, I *think* I am on the way back after 3 weeks of feeling like poo on a biscuit. No, I have no idea what that saying means, but it does evoke how I felt.
Oh, we had an earthquake! Or rather, Southern Illinois had an earthquake, but we got to feel it. This is actually the 3rd earthquake I felt - one in NY, one in TN, and this one, which was definitely the biggest. I woke up and everything was shaking. Darling Hubby jumped out of bed, turned around in circles a few times (literally) and then held on the bed. If felt like it went on forever. The dog had been barking to warn us, but we ignored him. Robbers, take note. Pete only growls at people in uniform, so dress casual. According to a naturalist at the zoo, all the birds were sitting on the ground right before it happened, and the zoo's animals all made distress sounds after the quake ended. Wish I had heard that! I, in my venom/snot/fever state, asked, "Is Boo having a seizure? He is lying on my feet?" Hubby said, "He is on your pillow, Stephanie." You would THINK I would notice someone breathing up my nose from three inches away, but apparently not. I think my 4-year-old can shake a house. It was very, very, very, cool. But clearly with our responses, we would have died in San Francisco.
Oh! I am too lazy to go and find pictuers of the MS River in Greenville right now, but if you google it, and find one, just imagine the river is twice the size it should be. But the levees are holding (I think...)
Thursday, April 17, 2008
Snake Venom
So, one of my big plans for the year I was here in St. Louis was to "live small." You know all that stuff - not shop, buy local and from non-chains, drive less, blah, blah, blah. I AM A FAILURE. First of all, Monkey Boy plays "select" soccer, which requires probably 100 miles of driving a week. Secondly, we chose to live "in the city" because we thought that would make us closer to everything. WRONG. Everything is in the suburbs. So, we have made a huge contribution to the ozone problem.
However, the other way I was going to change things was I was going to wean myself off of medicine. Believe me, if I had cancer, I would be getting chemotherapy. However, for anything less, I decided that I wanted to try all the wacko stuff out there. And I have - alternative types of massage (eh, not really working), acupuncture (that stuff works!), acupressure for Bunny's asthma (I think that works). Anyway, I have a massive sinus infection. I have been sick for 3 weeks, but I finally broke down and went to a doctor. Like a MD. But this guy is a big believer in homeopathy, so did I get a prescription for an antibiotic??? Noooooo. The nurse practictioner and he had this conversation and decided on my treatment. So, I was given a billion tiny pills to take to cure it. I am thinking - "tree bark, ground roots, lizard guts," but no.... I got SNAKE VENOM. POISONOUS snake venom. Of course, it is diluted and refined to the point that a chemist probably wouldn't recognize it, but still, there is a little bit of anxiety when I have to drink my dissolved snake venom. Sip it over 4 hours to be exact. I, of course, promptly bought a bottle of Mucinex to take too. That said, today is the first day that I am not so far beyond miserable, but I can't tell you if it is the bushmaster venom, the mega-doses of Vitamin C, or the 15 hours of sleep I got yesterday. Baby Boo has a double ear infection and Monkey Boy is sick, too, so everyone wanted to nap, so we were always laying down together.
Oh! I imagine most of you don't know about MY steamy dreams. Hubby Dear knows about these dreams and is not threatened AT ALL. Mainly because they are even less realistic than dreams about Antonio Banderas or movie stars. See, my "dream lovers" are always world leaders, usually dead ones. It started with the President of Iran, then the Roman Emperor Claudius showed up and threw him out, then it was John Adams, and now, yet another President. Last night, I broke up with Calvin Coolidge so I could hook up with Herbert Hoover. Egad. I must stop teaching my children history and reading the paper. I am just waiting for Genghis Khan, Henry VIII, Idi Amin, Osama Bin Laden, Dick Cheney....I guess I should be grateful for the ones that HAVE made an appearance because it could be worse.
However, the other way I was going to change things was I was going to wean myself off of medicine. Believe me, if I had cancer, I would be getting chemotherapy. However, for anything less, I decided that I wanted to try all the wacko stuff out there. And I have - alternative types of massage (eh, not really working), acupuncture (that stuff works!), acupressure for Bunny's asthma (I think that works). Anyway, I have a massive sinus infection. I have been sick for 3 weeks, but I finally broke down and went to a doctor. Like a MD. But this guy is a big believer in homeopathy, so did I get a prescription for an antibiotic??? Noooooo. The nurse practictioner and he had this conversation and decided on my treatment. So, I was given a billion tiny pills to take to cure it. I am thinking - "tree bark, ground roots, lizard guts," but no.... I got SNAKE VENOM. POISONOUS snake venom. Of course, it is diluted and refined to the point that a chemist probably wouldn't recognize it, but still, there is a little bit of anxiety when I have to drink my dissolved snake venom. Sip it over 4 hours to be exact. I, of course, promptly bought a bottle of Mucinex to take too. That said, today is the first day that I am not so far beyond miserable, but I can't tell you if it is the bushmaster venom, the mega-doses of Vitamin C, or the 15 hours of sleep I got yesterday. Baby Boo has a double ear infection and Monkey Boy is sick, too, so everyone wanted to nap, so we were always laying down together.
Oh! I imagine most of you don't know about MY steamy dreams. Hubby Dear knows about these dreams and is not threatened AT ALL. Mainly because they are even less realistic than dreams about Antonio Banderas or movie stars. See, my "dream lovers" are always world leaders, usually dead ones. It started with the President of Iran, then the Roman Emperor Claudius showed up and threw him out, then it was John Adams, and now, yet another President. Last night, I broke up with Calvin Coolidge so I could hook up with Herbert Hoover. Egad. I must stop teaching my children history and reading the paper. I am just waiting for Genghis Khan, Henry VIII, Idi Amin, Osama Bin Laden, Dick Cheney....I guess I should be grateful for the ones that HAVE made an appearance because it could be worse.
Friday, April 11, 2008
The American Way of Reading...
So, once you have a blog, you have to spend time thinking about that blog. I need to remove instead of add things to my life to think about. So, this post may be a bit dull.
Do you ever read something and think, "Wow! This is absolutely amazing and I need to make everyone I know do this, too? Well, I am having 2 of those experiences right now. The first is I am (re)reading the children's book "A Wind in the Door" by Madeleine L'Engle to Monkey Boy. The first book, A Wrinkle in Time, freaked out Bunny, so she refused to participate this time. Boo flops around and I am waiting for him to run through the house shouting "Mitochondria!" Remember those? From Biology? I do, but I have no idea what they do (powerhouses??). Anyway, L'Engle writes the MOST amazing children's books that help kids to think about good and evil, plus they have lots of magic, theology, and big words thrown in. This one seems to be about how you can personally prevent evil from happening, which I think is something all kids should have a good dose of. Awesome, awesome, awesome. Great way to get some quality time with your kids, and if you never read it as a kid, go buy it TODAY.
The second book I am reading is called Persepolis, and it is an adult (not porn, just for grown-ups) comic book that is teaching me all about the Iranian revolution, about which I know SQUAT, but it seems to be a good thing to know since well, it might well be our next war. So, my brain is throbbing from Shah information and what the Islamic revolution was really about. The author/main character is the same age as me, so she really puts into perspective what "wacky" and a "bad" childhood are really about. My experience of the Iranian revolution was that little hostage counter number in the upper left corner above harry Reasoner's head.
Oh! And here is the real point of this post. I have a rather embarrassing confession to make - I am a regular reader of Reader's Digest, and I like it. It is far, far better to read in the bathroom than People Magazine, and you will never, ever be updated on the state of Hollywood's underwear. I have learned a lot from them - the importance of prostrate exams, the way the electoral college works, and 2 months before 9/11, they had a big old article about how Osama Bin Laden was the most dangerous man on the planet. Plus, it has a fairly conservative bent, and I need to have some of that in my life so I can talk to more people about things other than the weather. So, in classic American fashion, I am going to give you the "easy" version of an "easy" magazine - the digested version of REader's Digest for the month of April.
Names your parents didn't give you which proved they actually loved you, unlikethe celebrity parents of these kids: Kal-el, Audio Science, Bluebell Madonna, Daisy Boo, Pilot Inspektor, Heavenly Hiraani Tiger Lily, God'iss Love Stone, Jermajesty. Don't hate your name too much, do you?
Eat dairy products to prevent gum disease, which will help with everything from not getting Alzheimer's to preventing heart attacks.
If you haven't read a book by Kinky Friedman, he is fantastic. One of his titles was Elvis, Jesus, and Coca-Cola (about the three most popular things around). He also had a band in the 70s called Kinky Friedman and the Texas Jewboys. He ran for governor of Texas last year and got over 10% of the vote. Hmmm, maybe he would be fun for vice-president....
Did you know the Lexus LS600 can parallel park itself?
A couple of great quotes:
We pick politicians by how they look on TV and Miss America on where she stands on the issues. Isn't that a little backwards? - Jay Leno
America is a vast conspiracy to make you happy - John Updike
Anyone who believes the competitive spirit in America is dead has never been in a supermarket when the cashier opens another checkout line. - Ann Landers
Things to google - One Laptop Per Child
Mike's Math - teaches you how to do 624 squared in your head.
Sobering thought for the day - 12 million African kids have been orphaned by AIDS alone. America would freak out if we had 1,000.
Great Headlines:
Butte Blast Blamed on Leaking Gas.
State Hires Single Gender School Official (what, there is an active transsexual job market??)
New Yorker Finds Roommate Dead, Second Time in a Year. (Here's betting he lives alone for awhile)
An organization called Room to Read which donates books to 3rd world school libraries.
And, to show that I DO teach patriotism even though I homeschool, this website: operationnationalanthem.com. The other day, I yelled at Alexander because he didn't take off his hat during the national anthem, and he had no idea he was supposed to. So, quick lesson on proper behavior during national anthem. As a side note, the Brazilian national anthem is unbelievably long. They sing ALL the verses, not just the first.
Where I want to go now: Coyote Buttes area of Arizona.
New proof that required a scientific study, but which any person on the street could have told you: Let teenagers start school later (9 as opposed to 7:30, and violence goes down, attendance and grades go up because they have enough rest.)
Want to talk to a "real" person when you call a 1-800 number? Pick the Spanish option - the operators speak English AND they aren't as busy! Woo-woo! Or, even better if you are really mad, call the international the international service number COLLECT. Don't call from your own phone. You may be in their database as a "customer," where someone else's number is a "potential." They want to talk to them more than you! Or, check out www.gethuman.com, which gives you the "number codes" to get to a person. You will be served, madam. Am I not a good friend to you all?
So, my favorite article: What's Your American IQ? I am going to give you the hard quuestions only, not the ones that have to do with Madonna and "culture" icons.
1. Name the four presidents on Mt. Rushmore. Extra credit: What was his major accomplishment?
2. If the United States paid off its national debt today, each citizen would owe his or her Chinese counterpart:
a) $1,362
b) $2,891
c) $4,000
Pick the worst one.
What state drinks the most beer per capita? No, it isn't Missouri or Florida or some Southern state - it is the population mecca that is North Dakota.
Who got to vote first? Black men or white women?
What state has the southernmost, northernmost, easternmost, and westernmost point?? Dont' cheat and use a map.
Would you rather eat scrapple, lutefisk, or johnnycakes? If you know the ingredients, this is an easy one.
And the real challenge, fill in the blanks on the Declaration of Independence (I am surging with patriotism today!!!)
When in the Course of >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> it becomes necessary for one people to >>>>>>>>>> the polical bands which have connected them with another and to assume among the popwers of the earth the seaparate and >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> station to which the >>>>>>>>>>> of >>>>>>>>>>>and of Nature's God entitle them, a decent respect to the opinions of mankind requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the separation.
We hold these truths to be ___________________, that all men are created ___________, that they are endowed by their ___________________ with certain unalienable _____________, that among these are ___________________, ___________________, and the purusit of ______________________.
Who wrote it? Thomas Jefferson. He was 33 years old. Clearly, I am a patriotic slacker. I did okay on over half, but I was lost in the middle.
Happy day all! I did 100 jumping jacks, 80 sit-ups and over 50 pushups before 6;45 this morning and I NEVER WILL DO IT AGAIN. Unless, it will prevent an alien invasion, save a child's life, or cure cancer. Removing cellulite is no longer a motivation. Have a great day! I think the length of this one gets me out of a couple of days' work.
Do you ever read something and think, "Wow! This is absolutely amazing and I need to make everyone I know do this, too? Well, I am having 2 of those experiences right now. The first is I am (re)reading the children's book "A Wind in the Door" by Madeleine L'Engle to Monkey Boy. The first book, A Wrinkle in Time, freaked out Bunny, so she refused to participate this time. Boo flops around and I am waiting for him to run through the house shouting "Mitochondria!" Remember those? From Biology? I do, but I have no idea what they do (powerhouses??). Anyway, L'Engle writes the MOST amazing children's books that help kids to think about good and evil, plus they have lots of magic, theology, and big words thrown in. This one seems to be about how you can personally prevent evil from happening, which I think is something all kids should have a good dose of. Awesome, awesome, awesome. Great way to get some quality time with your kids, and if you never read it as a kid, go buy it TODAY.
The second book I am reading is called Persepolis, and it is an adult (not porn, just for grown-ups) comic book that is teaching me all about the Iranian revolution, about which I know SQUAT, but it seems to be a good thing to know since well, it might well be our next war. So, my brain is throbbing from Shah information and what the Islamic revolution was really about. The author/main character is the same age as me, so she really puts into perspective what "wacky" and a "bad" childhood are really about. My experience of the Iranian revolution was that little hostage counter number in the upper left corner above harry Reasoner's head.
Oh! And here is the real point of this post. I have a rather embarrassing confession to make - I am a regular reader of Reader's Digest, and I like it. It is far, far better to read in the bathroom than People Magazine, and you will never, ever be updated on the state of Hollywood's underwear. I have learned a lot from them - the importance of prostrate exams, the way the electoral college works, and 2 months before 9/11, they had a big old article about how Osama Bin Laden was the most dangerous man on the planet. Plus, it has a fairly conservative bent, and I need to have some of that in my life so I can talk to more people about things other than the weather. So, in classic American fashion, I am going to give you the "easy" version of an "easy" magazine - the digested version of REader's Digest for the month of April.
Names your parents didn't give you which proved they actually loved you, unlikethe celebrity parents of these kids: Kal-el, Audio Science, Bluebell Madonna, Daisy Boo, Pilot Inspektor, Heavenly Hiraani Tiger Lily, God'iss Love Stone, Jermajesty. Don't hate your name too much, do you?
Eat dairy products to prevent gum disease, which will help with everything from not getting Alzheimer's to preventing heart attacks.
If you haven't read a book by Kinky Friedman, he is fantastic. One of his titles was Elvis, Jesus, and Coca-Cola (about the three most popular things around). He also had a band in the 70s called Kinky Friedman and the Texas Jewboys. He ran for governor of Texas last year and got over 10% of the vote. Hmmm, maybe he would be fun for vice-president....
Did you know the Lexus LS600 can parallel park itself?
A couple of great quotes:
We pick politicians by how they look on TV and Miss America on where she stands on the issues. Isn't that a little backwards? - Jay Leno
America is a vast conspiracy to make you happy - John Updike
Anyone who believes the competitive spirit in America is dead has never been in a supermarket when the cashier opens another checkout line. - Ann Landers
Things to google - One Laptop Per Child
Mike's Math - teaches you how to do 624 squared in your head.
Sobering thought for the day - 12 million African kids have been orphaned by AIDS alone. America would freak out if we had 1,000.
Great Headlines:
Butte Blast Blamed on Leaking Gas.
State Hires Single Gender School Official (what, there is an active transsexual job market??)
New Yorker Finds Roommate Dead, Second Time in a Year. (Here's betting he lives alone for awhile)
An organization called Room to Read which donates books to 3rd world school libraries.
And, to show that I DO teach patriotism even though I homeschool, this website: operationnationalanthem.com. The other day, I yelled at Alexander because he didn't take off his hat during the national anthem, and he had no idea he was supposed to. So, quick lesson on proper behavior during national anthem. As a side note, the Brazilian national anthem is unbelievably long. They sing ALL the verses, not just the first.
Where I want to go now: Coyote Buttes area of Arizona.
New proof that required a scientific study, but which any person on the street could have told you: Let teenagers start school later (9 as opposed to 7:30, and violence goes down, attendance and grades go up because they have enough rest.)
Want to talk to a "real" person when you call a 1-800 number? Pick the Spanish option - the operators speak English AND they aren't as busy! Woo-woo! Or, even better if you are really mad, call the international the international service number COLLECT. Don't call from your own phone. You may be in their database as a "customer," where someone else's number is a "potential." They want to talk to them more than you! Or, check out www.gethuman.com, which gives you the "number codes" to get to a person. You will be served, madam. Am I not a good friend to you all?
So, my favorite article: What's Your American IQ? I am going to give you the hard quuestions only, not the ones that have to do with Madonna and "culture" icons.
1. Name the four presidents on Mt. Rushmore. Extra credit: What was his major accomplishment?
2. If the United States paid off its national debt today, each citizen would owe his or her Chinese counterpart:
a) $1,362
b) $2,891
c) $4,000
Pick the worst one.
What state drinks the most beer per capita? No, it isn't Missouri or Florida or some Southern state - it is the population mecca that is North Dakota.
Who got to vote first? Black men or white women?
What state has the southernmost, northernmost, easternmost, and westernmost point?? Dont' cheat and use a map.
Would you rather eat scrapple, lutefisk, or johnnycakes? If you know the ingredients, this is an easy one.
And the real challenge, fill in the blanks on the Declaration of Independence (I am surging with patriotism today!!!)
When in the Course of >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> it becomes necessary for one people to >>>>>>>>>> the polical bands which have connected them with another and to assume among the popwers of the earth the seaparate and >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> station to which the >>>>>>>>>>> of >>>>>>>>>>>and of Nature's God entitle them, a decent respect to the opinions of mankind requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the separation.
We hold these truths to be ___________________, that all men are created ___________, that they are endowed by their ___________________ with certain unalienable _____________, that among these are ___________________, ___________________, and the purusit of ______________________.
Who wrote it? Thomas Jefferson. He was 33 years old. Clearly, I am a patriotic slacker. I did okay on over half, but I was lost in the middle.
Happy day all! I did 100 jumping jacks, 80 sit-ups and over 50 pushups before 6;45 this morning and I NEVER WILL DO IT AGAIN. Unless, it will prevent an alien invasion, save a child's life, or cure cancer. Removing cellulite is no longer a motivation. Have a great day! I think the length of this one gets me out of a couple of days' work.
Wednesday, April 9, 2008
Good things, bad things...
So, I am a bit at a loss of things to write about, but then people just start dumping stuff in my lap. First of all, here is my happy thing of the day:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D85yrIgA4Nk&feature=related
World peace through animals!!!!
Then, my "neighborhood" newspaper arrived. And there was an editorial about homeschooling. Normally, I try to treat this like childbirth, religious faith, and marriage, if you figure out something that works for you, even if it would be the last thing I would ever do, I should probably keep my mouth shut. However, I am busily constructing my soapbox right now.
In case you didn't know this, we are homeschooling the kids. That is a very generous WE. Stefan has assembled a solar system kit for me which somehow has come to include a red plastic elephant. Daniel, our little throbbing brain, said, "That big one is Jupiter!" Huh? Too much Interplanet Janet, clearly.
The primary reason we are doing homeschool this year is because we are living in an area where public schools are not an option. And, as the product to a certain degree of private schools, I will never, ever, ever send my kids to private school if there is another option. So, homeschool it is. For the most part, I have loved it, and the kids seem to be calmer and more balanced than ever. We have had the most amazing discussions about very heavy topics - the meaning of the Preamble, consumerism, failure to vote, why unicorns don't exist, etc. They have been allowed to pursue their own interests, which has resulted in Isabel's obsession with the First Families (particularly, First ladies. We have read every book offered about them in 3 separate library systems. Today, she told me that only one of James Garfield's female children survived to adulthood. I have not verified this.)
Anyway, back to my soapbox. With religion, childbirth, and education, the thing that makes me crazy is when people don't think about it. For me, at least, the easiest choice is rarely the best choice, and I am always happier when I can chew and think about something before I decide to do it. It usually ends up better.
Anyway, back to the editorial: Here is the quote given, which I have NOT verified:
Who said, "A primary purpose of the educational system is to train school children in good citizenship, patriotism, and loyalty to the state."
a) The commissar of education in the former Soviet Union.
b) The minister of education for the government of Communist China.
c) Adolph Hitler
d. Justice H. Walter Croskey of California Court of Appeals.
The answer is d, in case it wasn't obvious. For those of you who might have missed Arnold Schwarznegger pontificating on it, California has recently made it illegal to homeschool if one of the parents doesn't have a teaching license. Failure to comply can result in having your kids' taken away from you. I hope there are more requirements than a dearth of standardized testing, but it isn't clear yet. Anyway, if the quote alone doesn't make you scream, then think about the ramifications of that statement. I know that I personally hope that those 3 elements are not even on my child's teacher's list of top 10. True, I want my children to learn to observe traffic laws, respect the political office even if they don't respect the holder of the office, and not to be ashamed to be an American. What I WANT the schools to teach is reading, writing, and independent thinking. I would argue that they have not done as good a job in those subjects, much less the real things like critical thinking, effective communication, common sense, etc. EGAD. No wonder the schools don't work! Is this judge even aware some of the best leaders we have had never even set foot in school? And they sure weren't being taught those three issues! And the repercussions? Removing a child in placing him/her in foster care is said to be considered the psychological equivalent of being raised by two chronically schizophrenic parents. Parents are CONSTANTLY being held accountable for every ill in society, and parent who choose to home school are clearly not picking the easy path and are taking on extra responsibility. Your kid can't add? Only myself to blame. Ugh. I don't really need anything from you, my beloved friends and readers, except for what you have given me. An opportunity to scream at bureaucracy.
Till then, I feel better.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D85yrIgA4Nk&feature=related
World peace through animals!!!!
Then, my "neighborhood" newspaper arrived. And there was an editorial about homeschooling. Normally, I try to treat this like childbirth, religious faith, and marriage, if you figure out something that works for you, even if it would be the last thing I would ever do, I should probably keep my mouth shut. However, I am busily constructing my soapbox right now.
In case you didn't know this, we are homeschooling the kids. That is a very generous WE. Stefan has assembled a solar system kit for me which somehow has come to include a red plastic elephant. Daniel, our little throbbing brain, said, "That big one is Jupiter!" Huh? Too much Interplanet Janet, clearly.
The primary reason we are doing homeschool this year is because we are living in an area where public schools are not an option. And, as the product to a certain degree of private schools, I will never, ever, ever send my kids to private school if there is another option. So, homeschool it is. For the most part, I have loved it, and the kids seem to be calmer and more balanced than ever. We have had the most amazing discussions about very heavy topics - the meaning of the Preamble, consumerism, failure to vote, why unicorns don't exist, etc. They have been allowed to pursue their own interests, which has resulted in Isabel's obsession with the First Families (particularly, First ladies. We have read every book offered about them in 3 separate library systems. Today, she told me that only one of James Garfield's female children survived to adulthood. I have not verified this.)
Anyway, back to my soapbox. With religion, childbirth, and education, the thing that makes me crazy is when people don't think about it. For me, at least, the easiest choice is rarely the best choice, and I am always happier when I can chew and think about something before I decide to do it. It usually ends up better.
Anyway, back to the editorial: Here is the quote given, which I have NOT verified:
Who said, "A primary purpose of the educational system is to train school children in good citizenship, patriotism, and loyalty to the state."
a) The commissar of education in the former Soviet Union.
b) The minister of education for the government of Communist China.
c) Adolph Hitler
d. Justice H. Walter Croskey of California Court of Appeals.
The answer is d, in case it wasn't obvious. For those of you who might have missed Arnold Schwarznegger pontificating on it, California has recently made it illegal to homeschool if one of the parents doesn't have a teaching license. Failure to comply can result in having your kids' taken away from you. I hope there are more requirements than a dearth of standardized testing, but it isn't clear yet. Anyway, if the quote alone doesn't make you scream, then think about the ramifications of that statement. I know that I personally hope that those 3 elements are not even on my child's teacher's list of top 10. True, I want my children to learn to observe traffic laws, respect the political office even if they don't respect the holder of the office, and not to be ashamed to be an American. What I WANT the schools to teach is reading, writing, and independent thinking. I would argue that they have not done as good a job in those subjects, much less the real things like critical thinking, effective communication, common sense, etc. EGAD. No wonder the schools don't work! Is this judge even aware some of the best leaders we have had never even set foot in school? And they sure weren't being taught those three issues! And the repercussions? Removing a child in placing him/her in foster care is said to be considered the psychological equivalent of being raised by two chronically schizophrenic parents. Parents are CONSTANTLY being held accountable for every ill in society, and parent who choose to home school are clearly not picking the easy path and are taking on extra responsibility. Your kid can't add? Only myself to blame. Ugh. I don't really need anything from you, my beloved friends and readers, except for what you have given me. An opportunity to scream at bureaucracy.
Till then, I feel better.
Tuesday, April 8, 2008
Environmental Porn
Egad. Until my friend Laura sent this to me, I never knew such a concept could exist. I consider myself an environmentalist, but it never occurred to me that there were pornographic options involved in saving the planet? I think if the right marketing is done, every single person in Hollywood and every male under age 30? might learn to love trees A LOT MORE.
Here is the link. I have not gone through it completely because the word "adult" freaks me out and I don't want my computer to ever learn about it. So,if it offends, my apologies!
http://www.grist.org/feature/2008/03/28/index.html?source=friend
Oh, exciting news! I get to go to a Mississippi WEDDING in two weeks. It will be nothing like the funeral, I am sure, because I don't have one single funny wedding story, except for Ohio, and that one still makes my skin crawl so I can't tell it yet. All I can say is it has made me terrified of that state and I run from the tourists in the Smoky Mountains. You can spot those from the midwest from afar - they have on new socks and sensible shoes. And hats. They always seem to wear hats. I guess all that wheat/corn farming has made them deeply aware of the sun. But, I really try NOT to be prejudiced, but Ohio tourists really, really tempt me to be judgmental.
Here is the link. I have not gone through it completely because the word "adult" freaks me out and I don't want my computer to ever learn about it. So,if it offends, my apologies!
http://www.grist.org/feature/2008/03/28/index.html?source=friend
Oh, exciting news! I get to go to a Mississippi WEDDING in two weeks. It will be nothing like the funeral, I am sure, because I don't have one single funny wedding story, except for Ohio, and that one still makes my skin crawl so I can't tell it yet. All I can say is it has made me terrified of that state and I run from the tourists in the Smoky Mountains. You can spot those from the midwest from afar - they have on new socks and sensible shoes. And hats. They always seem to wear hats. I guess all that wheat/corn farming has made them deeply aware of the sun. But, I really try NOT to be prejudiced, but Ohio tourists really, really tempt me to be judgmental.
Thursday, April 3, 2008
April Fool's and a blog name
Why Mayonnaise Sandwich I was reasonably asked the other day? Because it was a central cooking ingredient in much of my family's cooking. The other key ingredients for most of our cooking: bacon grease, salt, white cornmeal, salt, corn oil. Green Beans? Through in a spoonful of bacon grease. Frying something? Liquify the grease, dip it in corn meal, and presto - guaranteed yummy food. When I was pregnant with my kids, I would have been happy to only eat these five things all day, everyday. I also craved things like sweet potatoes, watermelon, and collard greens. I prefer to think that it was my body crying out for some basic vitamin, instead of some warped DNA.
Hubby dear got me good for April Fool's. First, he said, "Hillary dropped out." I believed him, and you would think my defenses would be up. Not ten minutes later, he said, "Monkey Boy (child #2) wants a haircut today." I should have KNOWN that was a whopper, since Monkey Boy has announced he will only cut his hair once a year, and he isn't "ready yet." I told him he should just go ahead and grow it out for Locks of Love at this point, or we can start making dredlocks. He doesn't appreciate my suggestions.
Guess what??? I relived my childhood: On YouTube, I watched Captain Caveman, Isis and Shazaam, Plasticman, He-Man, Shamoo, and the Archies. I am going to see if they have old issues of Soap and Logan's Run there, too. Maybe some good Afterschool Specials. My kids thought Thundarr the Barbarian should still be around.
Hubby dear got me good for April Fool's. First, he said, "Hillary dropped out." I believed him, and you would think my defenses would be up. Not ten minutes later, he said, "Monkey Boy (child #2) wants a haircut today." I should have KNOWN that was a whopper, since Monkey Boy has announced he will only cut his hair once a year, and he isn't "ready yet." I told him he should just go ahead and grow it out for Locks of Love at this point, or we can start making dredlocks. He doesn't appreciate my suggestions.
Guess what??? I relived my childhood: On YouTube, I watched Captain Caveman, Isis and Shazaam, Plasticman, He-Man, Shamoo, and the Archies. I am going to see if they have old issues of Soap and Logan's Run there, too. Maybe some good Afterschool Specials. My kids thought Thundarr the Barbarian should still be around.
Wednesday, April 2, 2008
Retired Vigilantes
Our local paper which is by far the best paper of any town I have lived in has special sections called "Suburban Journals" which focus on smaller ares of the city. Our section covers an area that ranges from inner city, through Little Bosnia, through perhaps one of the most conservative ares of this very Democratic town. Within the journal, there is an area where you can call in, leave your opinion, and they will dutifully type it up for the next issue. This "Town Talk" is by far my favorite section because people will say things they would never write. So, this was my favorite from yesterday. I showed it to my husband, and he didn't laugh, mainly because he pronounced "hos" as "hose (like the garden tool)" so he was kind of clueless.
Here it is, the recorded opinion of AARP Rambo.
Read this and beweare. This is a comment for all you nasty hos, who think you're going to start jumping in and out of cars in the 7700 block of South Broadway Park. I don't work anymore so I have nothing better to do than to watch you getting in cars. I'm going to be watching you. I'm going to be watching you. I'm going to be watching you. You don't know who I am, but I know who you are. Beward. Go someplace else. Stay away from our area.
Or what? Clearly, the thought of people knowing their profession has not stopped the car jumpers. And what should we beware of? Should the drivers or the jumpers be wary? Now, of course, since I have no idea of where this is, I want to drive there and see if I can figure out who this watcher is. Would he write this about loitering students, too? Or is the watching the fun part? Is he hoping for more than jumping? Is he hoping to see Jerry Springer action below his window? And, why did I assume this was a man? Maybe it is a morally outraged former female librarian?
Here it is, the recorded opinion of AARP Rambo.
Read this and beweare. This is a comment for all you nasty hos, who think you're going to start jumping in and out of cars in the 7700 block of South Broadway Park. I don't work anymore so I have nothing better to do than to watch you getting in cars. I'm going to be watching you. I'm going to be watching you. I'm going to be watching you. You don't know who I am, but I know who you are. Beward. Go someplace else. Stay away from our area.
Or what? Clearly, the thought of people knowing their profession has not stopped the car jumpers. And what should we beware of? Should the drivers or the jumpers be wary? Now, of course, since I have no idea of where this is, I want to drive there and see if I can figure out who this watcher is. Would he write this about loitering students, too? Or is the watching the fun part? Is he hoping for more than jumping? Is he hoping to see Jerry Springer action below his window? And, why did I assume this was a man? Maybe it is a morally outraged former female librarian?
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