The American Way of Reading...

So, once you have a blog, you have to spend time thinking about that blog. I need to remove instead of add things to my life to think about. So, this post may be a bit dull.

Do you ever read something and think, "Wow! This is absolutely amazing and I need to make everyone I know do this, too? Well, I am having 2 of those experiences right now. The first is I am (re)reading the children's book "A Wind in the Door" by Madeleine L'Engle to Monkey Boy. The first book, A Wrinkle in Time, freaked out Bunny, so she refused to participate this time. Boo flops around and I am waiting for him to run through the house shouting "Mitochondria!" Remember those? From Biology? I do, but I have no idea what they do (powerhouses??). Anyway, L'Engle writes the MOST amazing children's books that help kids to think about good and evil, plus they have lots of magic, theology, and big words thrown in. This one seems to be about how you can personally prevent evil from happening, which I think is something all kids should have a good dose of. Awesome, awesome, awesome. Great way to get some quality time with your kids, and if you never read it as a kid, go buy it TODAY.

The second book I am reading is called Persepolis, and it is an adult (not porn, just for grown-ups) comic book that is teaching me all about the Iranian revolution, about which I know SQUAT, but it seems to be a good thing to know since well, it might well be our next war. So, my brain is throbbing from Shah information and what the Islamic revolution was really about. The author/main character is the same age as me, so she really puts into perspective what "wacky" and a "bad" childhood are really about. My experience of the Iranian revolution was that little hostage counter number in the upper left corner above harry Reasoner's head.

Oh! And here is the real point of this post. I have a rather embarrassing confession to make - I am a regular reader of Reader's Digest, and I like it. It is far, far better to read in the bathroom than People Magazine, and you will never, ever be updated on the state of Hollywood's underwear. I have learned a lot from them - the importance of prostrate exams, the way the electoral college works, and 2 months before 9/11, they had a big old article about how Osama Bin Laden was the most dangerous man on the planet. Plus, it has a fairly conservative bent, and I need to have some of that in my life so I can talk to more people about things other than the weather. So, in classic American fashion, I am going to give you the "easy" version of an "easy" magazine - the digested version of REader's Digest for the month of April.

Names your parents didn't give you which proved they actually loved you, unlikethe celebrity parents of these kids: Kal-el, Audio Science, Bluebell Madonna, Daisy Boo, Pilot Inspektor, Heavenly Hiraani Tiger Lily, God'iss Love Stone, Jermajesty. Don't hate your name too much, do you?

Eat dairy products to prevent gum disease, which will help with everything from not getting Alzheimer's to preventing heart attacks.

If you haven't read a book by Kinky Friedman, he is fantastic. One of his titles was Elvis, Jesus, and Coca-Cola (about the three most popular things around). He also had a band in the 70s called Kinky Friedman and the Texas Jewboys. He ran for governor of Texas last year and got over 10% of the vote. Hmmm, maybe he would be fun for vice-president....

Did you know the Lexus LS600 can parallel park itself?


A couple of great quotes:

We pick politicians by how they look on TV and Miss America on where she stands on the issues. Isn't that a little backwards? - Jay Leno

America is a vast conspiracy to make you happy - John Updike

Anyone who believes the competitive spirit in America is dead has never been in a supermarket when the cashier opens another checkout line. - Ann Landers

Things to google - One Laptop Per Child

Mike's Math - teaches you how to do 624 squared in your head.

Sobering thought for the day - 12 million African kids have been orphaned by AIDS alone. America would freak out if we had 1,000.

Great Headlines:

Butte Blast Blamed on Leaking Gas.

State Hires Single Gender School Official (what, there is an active transsexual job market??)

New Yorker Finds Roommate Dead, Second Time in a Year. (Here's betting he lives alone for awhile)

An organization called Room to Read which donates books to 3rd world school libraries.

And, to show that I DO teach patriotism even though I homeschool, this website: operationnationalanthem.com. The other day, I yelled at Alexander because he didn't take off his hat during the national anthem, and he had no idea he was supposed to. So, quick lesson on proper behavior during national anthem. As a side note, the Brazilian national anthem is unbelievably long. They sing ALL the verses, not just the first.

Where I want to go now: Coyote Buttes area of Arizona.

New proof that required a scientific study, but which any person on the street could have told you: Let teenagers start school later (9 as opposed to 7:30, and violence goes down, attendance and grades go up because they have enough rest.)

Want to talk to a "real" person when you call a 1-800 number? Pick the Spanish option - the operators speak English AND they aren't as busy! Woo-woo! Or, even better if you are really mad, call the international the international service number COLLECT. Don't call from your own phone. You may be in their database as a "customer," where someone else's number is a "potential." They want to talk to them more than you! Or, check out www.gethuman.com, which gives you the "number codes" to get to a person. You will be served, madam. Am I not a good friend to you all?

So, my favorite article: What's Your American IQ? I am going to give you the hard quuestions only, not the ones that have to do with Madonna and "culture" icons.

1. Name the four presidents on Mt. Rushmore. Extra credit: What was his major accomplishment?

2. If the United States paid off its national debt today, each citizen would owe his or her Chinese counterpart:

a) $1,362
b) $2,891
c) $4,000

Pick the worst one.

What state drinks the most beer per capita? No, it isn't Missouri or Florida or some Southern state - it is the population mecca that is North Dakota.

Who got to vote first? Black men or white women?

What state has the southernmost, northernmost, easternmost, and westernmost point?? Dont' cheat and use a map.

Would you rather eat scrapple, lutefisk, or johnnycakes? If you know the ingredients, this is an easy one.

And the real challenge, fill in the blanks on the Declaration of Independence (I am surging with patriotism today!!!)

When in the Course of >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> it becomes necessary for one people to >>>>>>>>>> the polical bands which have connected them with another and to assume among the popwers of the earth the seaparate and >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> station to which the >>>>>>>>>>> of >>>>>>>>>>>and of Nature's God entitle them, a decent respect to the opinions of mankind requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the separation.

We hold these truths to be ___________________, that all men are created ___________, that they are endowed by their ___________________ with certain unalienable _____________, that among these are ___________________, ___________________, and the purusit of ______________________.

Who wrote it? Thomas Jefferson. He was 33 years old. Clearly, I am a patriotic slacker. I did okay on over half, but I was lost in the middle.

Happy day all! I did 100 jumping jacks, 80 sit-ups and over 50 pushups before 6;45 this morning and I NEVER WILL DO IT AGAIN. Unless, it will prevent an alien invasion, save a child's life, or cure cancer. Removing cellulite is no longer a motivation. Have a great day! I think the length of this one gets me out of a couple of days' work.