Snake Venom

So, one of my big plans for the year I was here in St. Louis was to "live small." You know all that stuff - not shop, buy local and from non-chains, drive less, blah, blah, blah. I AM A FAILURE. First of all, Monkey Boy plays "select" soccer, which requires probably 100 miles of driving a week. Secondly, we chose to live "in the city" because we thought that would make us closer to everything. WRONG. Everything is in the suburbs. So, we have made a huge contribution to the ozone problem.

However, the other way I was going to change things was I was going to wean myself off of medicine. Believe me, if I had cancer, I would be getting chemotherapy. However, for anything less, I decided that I wanted to try all the wacko stuff out there. And I have - alternative types of massage (eh, not really working), acupuncture (that stuff works!), acupressure for Bunny's asthma (I think that works). Anyway, I have a massive sinus infection. I have been sick for 3 weeks, but I finally broke down and went to a doctor. Like a MD. But this guy is a big believer in homeopathy, so did I get a prescription for an antibiotic??? Noooooo. The nurse practictioner and he had this conversation and decided on my treatment. So, I was given a billion tiny pills to take to cure it. I am thinking - "tree bark, ground roots, lizard guts," but no.... I got SNAKE VENOM. POISONOUS snake venom. Of course, it is diluted and refined to the point that a chemist probably wouldn't recognize it, but still, there is a little bit of anxiety when I have to drink my dissolved snake venom. Sip it over 4 hours to be exact. I, of course, promptly bought a bottle of Mucinex to take too. That said, today is the first day that I am not so far beyond miserable, but I can't tell you if it is the bushmaster venom, the mega-doses of Vitamin C, or the 15 hours of sleep I got yesterday. Baby Boo has a double ear infection and Monkey Boy is sick, too, so everyone wanted to nap, so we were always laying down together.

Oh! I imagine most of you don't know about MY steamy dreams. Hubby Dear knows about these dreams and is not threatened AT ALL. Mainly because they are even less realistic than dreams about Antonio Banderas or movie stars. See, my "dream lovers" are always world leaders, usually dead ones. It started with the President of Iran, then the Roman Emperor Claudius showed up and threw him out, then it was John Adams, and now, yet another President. Last night, I broke up with Calvin Coolidge so I could hook up with Herbert Hoover. Egad. I must stop teaching my children history and reading the paper. I am just waiting for Genghis Khan, Henry VIII, Idi Amin, Osama Bin Laden, Dick Cheney....I guess I should be grateful for the ones that HAVE made an appearance because it could be worse.